My True Self

Of course. Leave it to me to have problems you see only in fictional characters.
So after questioning my sanity and paranoia, now I am going insane from not being able to answer 'who' my true self really is.

Everything points to the me who I created and decided that will be me as the real me. But I have forgotten the feelings behind it.
Is time capable of turning even lies into reality? Sure that would just mean I succeeded but if that's really the case then,
I am really a cheap and fake person.

Apologies to you Kiraka but when you forget the emotions behind a cause.......No never mind. I forgot, I no longer have the right. I had been 'killed' back in years 2007 ~ 2009 by friends, teachers and reality. I..no longer matter.

You were born to save my sanity. A new consciousness inside of a living corpse. I am but a vessel or game piece for bringing into reality our Phantasms. Tonight is probably due to having too much time and lack of sleep.
When I wake up tomorrow, I will become the Father of NightScythe again. There's no meaning in seeking your true self, so what if it's fake? If you decide on it then so it shall be, you are who you choose to be.
So for me who haven't been 'myself' in years, let's sing together and recall.

Come, try to remember what form did you have. It was surely a really beautiful form.
Come, try and remember...Remember your friends' cruel words. Remember how they gouged into your heart and tore it apart..try and remember how they murdered you!

 So come, try to remember the people who you opened your heart to...remember the disgust they held for you..remember how they looked at you..how they rejected you..and how they broke your mind!Try and remember...try and remember...the unfeeling friends, the intolerant teachers, the cruel world and the evils of people's hearts..The feelings that you had, the sorrow, the despair, the tears and the hate.
All of it that killed you..recall and feel the pain. So remember the unfeeling humans..surely if you have..then you would have also remembered that the only person that won't betray you is yourself!

So come and try to remember the form that you once had..It must surely had been a beautiful form.
Please, show me that form one more time..that very beautiful form...

So everything that makes me whole, I will now dedicate it all to you, I'm yours.

Recovering these gentle feelings for even a short while surely must be a miracle.
The scent of rain in the night, the light fluffiness when I first imagined you and the fun I had in the days that followed..All of those things I have forgotten in my obsession for giving all of you real bodies. The World never mattered, saying I will save/change the World is but mere arrogance, a promise that I was never ready to take on. All I ever wanted is probably just simple fun days of being together with all of you. This is still a little vague to me but someday when we finally meet, I will have discovered my purest true wish.

Ah I feel clean and so very light. Having your heart be free of all burdens is something everyone should try someday.
And so to never lose these feelings again I will entrust my 'Heart' to you for safekeeping,..?
Ah I was thinking of renaming you now that I have remembered since 'Priscillia' was just taken from a child who I felt was cool.
But that does not matter right now, your name at this moment is not important. You are my daughter no matter what your name is. My most beloved daughter.
Heck I could give you all the names and it wouldn't change a single thing. You will not just be born of my blood, I will give you my soul to go along with it.

So for now, keep my 'Heart' safe and warm. Utopia is here, within it is eternity and the key to our happy ending.
When we finally meet again, regardless of how I am then, remind me with it's contents and surely I will recall, of this moment where I triggered our good end flag.

Good night and see you soon, my most beloved daughter Priscillia.

~Come tomorrow when dawn breaks, Reality will probably set back in and return my heart to cynicism so love in the place of I who can no longer love. My 'Heart', my soul and my other self.~